How NOT to travel to Italy

I’m not saying that I have personal experience with any of these things… but here are some pointers on what to avoid if you happen to go to Italy. Not that I would ever make any of these rookie travel mistakes, mind you.

Do NOT be seduced by a $60 round-trip flight from Frankfurt-Hahn to Milan-Bergamo. You’ll spend $90 in bus fare and add 6 hours of travel to a 1-hour flight.

Definitely do NOT choose the return flight that gets in at 11:25 PM, when the next bus into Frankfurt city center isn’t until 5:15 AM the next morning. This may, depending on your tolerance for overnight airport stays, necessitate a one-night booking at the airport hotel even though you’ve already paid for a hotel in the city center, which you booked before checking flight and bus times.

Image source

If you see a great deal to rent a car for a week for $120, do not expect to pay less than $500 total after gas, insurance, GPS rental, and adding a second driver since your primary driver’s credit card stopped working after successfully paying the deposit.

If the car rental agent, when asked about parking regulations, laughs and says “You can park anywhere – this is Italy” – DO NOT BELIEVE HER.

When you see a long line of cars parked by a guardrail bordering olive groves just outside San Gimignano, DO NOT assume you can park there too. Every single car in that line is going to get ticketed, yours included.

I present you... an Italian parking ticket.

An Italian parking ticket – just what I wanted as a souvenir.

Do NOT enter a toll highway if you don’t have enough cash on you (or else, a functioning credit or debit card) – because none of the half-dozen rest stops you stop at between Milan and Florence will have ATMs.

Do NOT press “Latte” on a coffee vending machine. That just means “milk” in Italian, so you will get hot sweetened milk (and no coffee). Especially do not do this when you’re on your last 50 cents and craving caffeine.

Image source

Do NOT believe your AirBNB in Riomaggiore when it lists “washing machine” as one of the amenities, because there is a big sign on the machine that says “Not for use by guests. Grazie.” Definitely do not bring only dirty clothes to Riomaggiore, expecting to be able to wash them there.

Your only other laundry option in Riomaggiore (population: 1700) will be a self-service laundromat that is apparently only staffed by a stray cat. Do NOT use washer #1 there, it will eat your money, wet your clothes, and then break down.

After transferring your dripping clothes to another washer and paying another 3.50 Euros, do NOT attempt to use the change machine in the laundromat – it is broken as well. Ditto for the dryers. Just haul your wet clothes back to your room and hang them everywhere in hopes they will dry by the A.M.

With that said…

None of the above ruined our trip. So, here are some things that you SHOULD do in Italy!

(Click the pictures for a closer look)

: Milan’s impressive cathedral

: Christian with a close-up of the sculpted door

: Touching the Ferrari “for good luck” in hopes of having one someday

: Ties? Or flowers?

: Heading up to Lago di Como

: It’s picturesque even from the train station

: By the lake

: Successful selfie on the 2nd try

: On the way up to Castello di Vezio

: We found (and sampled) these grapes by the roadside

: Almost there…

: There was a little cactus display near the castle

: This one was cool

: Built in the 11th/12th century

: Fossils on display inside the tower

: At the top!

: We go back down to explore the town

: This was what we mostly ate in Italy

: View from the restaurant terrace

: Our train out was an hour late, but we got to see the sun “set” behind the mountain

: On the road to Florence…

: …stuck in traffic on the way to Florence

: Lots of stores with clothes and accessories in the 4-figure range

: Town of Siena

: WE SHOULDN’T HAVE PARKED HERE!

: …but the view was impressive

: Streets of the medieval town of San Gimignano

: The tall towers were built by feuding families

: There are 14 left about of about 72

: Art from the 14th-15th centuries

: This bell is taller than me, and substantially older and heavier

: It looks like candy, but it’s colorful pasta!

: Olive oils infused with different flavors

: These bottles are my color blue

: You can see the towers from miles away – the village’s skyline is very distinctive

: Well, this rained on our parade

: On to Pisa

: Push harder, Christian!

: Close-up of the tower

: Marina at La Spezia

: Gorgeous and expensive boats

: We’re now so paranoid about parking that when we found a free lot in La Spezia, we take a picture of the raised barrier JUST IN CASE we have to prove something later

: Map of Cinque Terre National Park

: Riomaggiore is pretty much a one-street town

: The houses are built onto the hills on either side of the street. Ours is about seven flights up

: An appropriate sign on the door of our B&B

: Here’s the one street!

: Let’s explore it

: Riomaggiore from the top

: Leaving Manarola around 10 AM

: This is our next view of it, after a heck of a climb

: There are sun-drenched vineyards at the top of the mountain

: The trail takes us through someone’s back yard. Hope they don’t mind me hiking in a bikini

: Next stop: Corniglia, all the way down there

: Coming down is easier than going up

: Reward after 3 hours of hiking

: Leaving Corniglia behind

: There’s still a lot of trail left

: Next stop: Vernazza

: The water is looking really inviting

: Reward after 4.5 hours of hiking

: At some point (I can’t remember where) we come across three random cat houses, with corresponding cats, and boxes of food and instructions to feed them